Datz Cat Speak Fur BACK OFF!!!
Hay y’all Lexi here and mommy takin’ dictation. Herz sez sum of ya’ hav a little bit if a harder time makin’ out minez Texas drawl so shez gunna help me keep a little more hooman in minez speak today cuz OMKC (oh my kitty cats) I’z want eberpawdy to know what I’z beez sayin’. I’z alwso wanna pawlogize fur not gittin’ a post out sooner but we wuz kinda waitin’ on da VET to call. Datz what mommy sez. I’z say she wuz just too tired and herz hands and feet and legz wuz too swollen last night to write fur me. But let me tell ya’ I’z wuz so riled up I’z kulda wrote fur myself ibin only weez had dat speak to text app. Youz wanna know why? Of course youz do. Datz why youz be here today; youz wanna hear bowt minez VET pointment and minez day out wiff mommy.
Mommy sez we habz a sekund since bout fingz and we didn’t wanna get up yesfurday meownin’. And she wuz habbin’ trubble movin’ so she had to wait on us to help her. Of course when she sed she had to go to da pawdee box room and couldn’t wait any longer, we helped her get up and get rownd. I’z didn’t eat much of minez brekky and neever did sis Dezi. Dat sorta upset mommy, but she knew dat we knew sumpin’ wuz up and so she didn’t get too upset wiff us. She figgered weez wood eat a good dinner. Anywayz she checked our emailz and replied to a foo and then hopped in da shower. Weez helped drag herz head outta da water 2 timez afur she got finished. And then she put on da purretty purrfume dat makez me smile, and put me in da stroller. And we wuz off. There wuz road kunstrukshun allmozt frum da git, but we wuz got to minez pointment on time and akshully a foo minitz early.
Well weez heer, rite owtside da awffiz.
No reazon fur bein’ on time there; cuz we sat in a room lissenin’ too doggiez bark fur over 30 minitz afur da doctor finally came in. She asked ‘bowt minez overall healff and how I’z been duin’ and poked and pinched and grabbed and skweezed me all over. I’z HISSSSsssssssed several timez to let her know I’z didn’t approve not one bit of all dat skweezin’. She asked mommy ibin I’z had been in any pain. “Well why youz be azkin’ mommy lady, can’t youz hear me HISSSSSsssssss?” Then she tellz mommy she kin get a little urine, but dat we wuz gunna start wiff takin’ minez blood. finally she left da room and mommy held me tight. I’z started purrin’ and in walked sum ditzy blonde reachin’ out fur me.
- Weez didunt habz to heree abter awl. Deyz beez runnin’ beez hind heer seemz.
“Come on girly, get dat hand a little closer. I’z might not habz teef but I’z kin still put a bitey on you. Hissssssss” She told mommy she wuz there to get me fur minez blood draw. Mommy told her dat based on da way I’z been actin’ it wood be better ibin she kame wiff us. Blondy reluctantly agreed after sayin’ dat animals generally do better wiffout their peeps. Mommyz heard dat a million bazillion timez and knows dat it generally be da truff, but sed we be da sepshun to da rule. Then she turned rownd and sed what I’z fink she fawt might scare mommy off, “Okay, but we do a jugular draw.” Mommy didn’t say anyfin’, she just kept on followin’ girly wiff me in tow. Hmmmmmm, jugular, now what did she mean by dat, I’z wundered. And just what habz mommy gotten me into? So we walked into this big white alcohol smellin’ room wiff a towel covered metal table. Never a good sight to see. Dat almost always means TRUBBLE! Blondy had a furiend waitin’ there fur us. And after they threw out da rezident cat and doggy and closed da door, mommy set me on da towel covered table. Da udder girl grabbed me by da skruff and yanked minez head back. I’z gave herz a foo really loud HISSez and a low rumblin’ growl. I’z made kitties eberwhere prowd.
(Mommy wantz me to tell ya’ dat she did cut me outta da original foto of me on da kitchen table and put me here in da vetz office cuz she hadn’t had time to clean da table and didn’t want youz all seein’ da mess.) I’z jiz want youz to lookit da mess on minez neck. It ain’t rite, jiz not rite at awl.
Then blondie turned on this shaver fing and zip, minez neck fur wuz gone in an instant. Udder girly lost her grip on minez skruff and I’z turned minez head to her and…HISSSSSssssss, GRRRRrrrrrrr Dat meanz back off girly, in case youz don’t speak cat. Youz been rownd too many doggiez. Well at leazt she got da message cuz she backed up and let go and sed, “Watch out she’s gunna bite!” Mommy gently held me and started to sing. Dratz mommy, now I’z habz no choice but to calm down. Datz what we do when mommy sings to us. Second girly came back over and grabbed me again. This time she pulled out minez frunt legz and tried to grab minez skruff again. I’z pulled minez arm back and she lost herz grip on one of minez pawz. Mommy told her dat she wuld hold minez head and pulled minez arm back out fur girly to hold. And then da torture started!!! Blondie jabbed dat needle in minez neck 9 timez afur callin’ fur help.
Jiz lookit what dey did too me. GRRrrrrrrrrrrr Itz undignifide!!
This brunette walked in and blondie sed, “She’s got old lady veins and they’re rollin’.” I’z fixin’ to be 16 yearz old, of course I’z habz old lady veins. What’d’ya’ spect blondie?!!” Anywayz da brunette stuck me again, and da blood flowed. When she pulled out da needle, mommy quit singin’ long nuff to tell her to make sure she had all she needed cuz I’z wuz wize to her and wuldn’t be lettin’ ‘em get away wiff this again fur a while. Brunette sed she had enuff and dat she needed to get sum urine now. I’z continued to HISSsssss and show minez dispurrleasure wiff all this pokin’ and proddin’. And now brunette wuz skweezin’ and grabbin’ at minez bladder. She better be glad I’z a lady or I’z might’a givin’ herz a purresent she didn’t want. Mommy held minez head in herz soft purretty smellin’ hands and I’z buried minez traumatized head and neck into hers sweet smellin’ chest. And then brunette started pokin’ me wiff a needle again. 5 times she poked at minez bldder and 5 missez she made. She sed, “I can’t get it. It keeps rollin’ too. So we’re done here. Y’all can go back to your room now.” Mommy picked me up an I’z looked back and gave them each a final HISSssssssss and we went back to our room and sat down and waited.
Weez waytin’ agin. Iz dat treetz youz gittin’ owt mommy? Heree, I’z enjoyin’ da sunshine frum diz windoe. but I’z wood enjoy dem treetz lawtz mower.
Finally da VET showed up again and brought yet anudder brunette wiff her and told mommy she wuz sure she kuld get minez urine. Up on da table I’z went again, and mommy started singin’ once again. I’z hissed a foo timez, but da doctor hit minez bladder on da furst go, so all testz wuz finally completed. I’z kuldn’t wait to get back into our stroller. Mommy gave me a foo of da Wellness Kittles we had gotten and told me I was her purrfect angel girl and dat she luvved me. Da doctor told mommy dat da resultz wood be in da next day and she wood call mommy and let her know sumpin’ at dat time. She sed minez urine is really dilute, but dat wuz all she kuld say till after she had da resultz. Mommy made sure we wuz gunna get those resultz emailed to us, and then we went to check out. $158.90 later we wuz off to Wally world. I’z got lots of attention and lotz more of those treatz and then we came home.
- Da blacked out parts are identifiers and have been blacked out fur owr security only. Not cuz weez be tryin’ to hide sumpin’.
When we finally made it home mommyz feet and legz had swelled up to twice their size and herz handz and shoulderz wuz achin’. So I’z had minez butter spoon and mommy made Dezi and me our dinner. And yep, we boff ate a good dinner. Mommy fawt ‘bout tryn’ to take dictation fur me, but she just kuldn’t hardly hold herz head up or herz eyez open. So we went to bed a bit earlier than usual. Altho’ it’z purrawlly still purretty late fur a lot of ya’. Da truff iz, dat minez torturerz wuz all reallly nice to me and I’z liked ‘em just fine. It’z a really bizee office and therez a lot of doggies dat goes there. I’z fink udder than da rezident cat I’z wuz da only udder feline there durin’ our almost 2 hours. After da doctor callz wiff minez resultz, weez’ll let ya’ know. I’z really purreshayt all of youz purrayerz and support and a meowzy big Fank you to all of youz dat helped us. This CRF/CKD disease be sumpin’ dat really needz to be monitered wiff bloodwork. We do purray and hope there’z good newz in minez blood rezultz and again, weez’ll let ya’ know when we know.
Me wuz so glad to see mommy and sissy. Poor sissy’s neck is all bwuised up, but she’s okay and has been luvvin’ on me and mommy evew since they came home. Me also wants to fank you all fur evewyfin’ and ask fur yous continued purrayers. Mommy still be purretty swollen and tired so we purrawlly won’t get a lot of visitin’ dun today. We will get wound to visitin’ you all very soon tho’. We miss ya’ when we don’t get by. So…
Till da next time……………………Be Blest!!!
Service Cats U.S. 