Meweek evewypawdy. Hope yous weekend has been a good one. It’s been a busy one fur us, but…we get an extwa day!!! Isn’t dat pawsum? Well me dusn’t wanna take up too much time wiff updates and such cuz me weally finks ow gwievin’ series is purrtant, but me knows yous awe curious. Weez still hav no word as to when da work might get stawted on ow pawtment and as me sed this be a long weekend so weez won’t hear anyfin’ til da earliest Tuesday. So mommy decided to unpack enuff of ow stuff so dat we kuld get wound a bit better and hers kuld take fotos of ow stuff to make suwe it comes back and in da same condition it wuz in when it left. After all, da movers awe bein’ hired to pack, store and bwing back and unpack. Weez also kinda took da weekend to west, as mommy wuz just exhausted after unpackin’, and hers got a foo mowe fings hers wants to get too. So we will be visitin’ yous all again stawtin’ today. Now, altho’ we know most of yous unnewstand dat us animals gwiev, it’s always pawssible dat sumpawdy be readin’ ow blog dat dusn’t. And there may be sum fings ‘bout it yous didn’t know or fink ‘bout so dat’s why weez writin’ this series. So wiff out further adieu, here’s Lexi.
Thanks Dezi. Yes in our short time in social media we have encountered a lot of loss. And we’ve heard all kinds of stories about how you help your animals through it. Some are good and some not so much. But it’s not your fault when you do the wrong things sometimes. It’s not like we can talk and tell you something isn’t working or what you should have done. So we hope with these posts and walking you through our grieving process can help some of you understand us a bit better. Altho’ remember all animals have their own individual personalities, and these are just our tips, tricks and experiences.
(hover over the photos to read the captions)
After losing Devon, Lucky and I grew even closer. We were only 28 days apart to begin with, and now it was just us and mommy. Things were great. And then almost 4 years later Lucky got sick. It was sudden and overwhelming. His smell changed and mommy would take him out and when he came home he smelled even stranger. (I still react badly to the smell of the vets office) He pulled away from me, but I didn’t care. He didn’t smell like my Lucky anymore. I would scream and hiss when he came around. This didn’t last long as he died so quickly after getting sick. Not even a week went by and he was gone. My anger turned quickly to fear and grief. I began to search for him around every corner and in all the places he used to hide. I would pace on the bed at night and meow almost non stop. I spent a lot of time with mommy and didn’t want her to be out of my sight. She was sad too and I could feel it. I didn’t eat. Mommy recognized what was going on and gave me extra love and would talk to me in that loving and gentle voice that says everything’s going to be okay.
The one thing mommy did that helped me get through it, was to change her grieving process so that I didn’t feel her sadness as much. As many of you know we animals sense your emotions and behave accordingly. Now that doesn’t mean you can’t grieve your beloved furry family member. It just means that you avoid obsessing about it, especially when you are in direct contact with us. Remember we are still here. Try to appreciate us. Play with us and speak with a slight lilt in your voice.
We know things have changed and we’ve gotten by now that our housemate isn’t coming back, but we don’t truly understand death. You see in the wild we would see and smell the illness and then the death. Yes, death has a smell. But being domesticated often death happens outside of our presence. As does many times the illness. In the wild we would avoid or push away the sick member because they are weak and would possibly draw predators to us. But in a home as domesticated animals we often show empathy to the sick and weak among us. And then suddenly they’re not there anymore.
Bringing home the body and presenting it to us to smell does not work!! The body has the smell of the vets office and medication, not that of death. Since most of us (especially cats) aren’t crazy about the vet we don’t understand what you’re trying to tell us. We communicate through smells more than vision, so instead of helping us say goodbye, you are causing us to feel more trepidatious about the vet and those at least yearly visits. If our house mate was undergoing treatments of any kind before death, even though they die in our home, the body doesn’t have the true smell of death.
The best way to help us is to allow us to grieve but don’t let it linger. We know you need to grieve as well, but around us you have to present a strong front. If we appear to find a blanket or favorite toy that belonged to our house mate comforting, then allow us to have it. You don’t have to completely erase their presence in the home, but a shrine isn’t good for either of us. Mommy believes that with the death of a beloved furry somewhere out there is another furry looking for you. A new furry WILL NOT REPLACE the beloved furry that left you, but they will help fill the void and offer lots of love. And even if we act out and don’t seem very accepting, it is occupying our mind and re-directing our grief. Just watch an make sure nobody gets really hurt. And as most of you know, when you want to stop an unwanted behavior re-direction is often the best way to go about it. And although we don’t really speak the same language, mommy has found that if she sits down with us and explains that our house mate has gone to heaven (or whatever you believe in) and isn’t coming back we seem to calm down.
We know these are not the only ways to deal with grief in your furry family members. These tips are based on our personal experiences and mommys’ experiences and knowledge from being a vet tech. We hope this has helped some of you understand our grieving process a bit better. We didn’t cover every minute or action, but enough of the highlights to convey the emotions. Although we wish nobody or animal had to experience loss, death is a part of life. Mommy loves wholeheartedly and losing a fur baby is very hard on her too. But thankfully she learned a long time ago that she can talk about her grief with others for comfort. But I have no one but her, and my health depends on how quickly I can bounce back and let go. We love you all dearly and are grateful to have met you even though it’s only online. You are as much a part of our family as we are to each other.
Fanks sissyfur fur shawin’. As Lexi sez weez suwe hope yous can find sum tip to take away wiff you. Gwief is a natural purrawcess but you can’t live there and neevew can we. Ifin yous need help copin’ wiff da loss of a luved one, purrlease ask. Sumtimes we all need a little help fwum ow furmily and furiends.
Dezi: Well here it is Furiday again and what a week it’s been. Blogville sed goodbye to a favowit cat blogger and hello to a foo new ones. And wiff dat bein’ sed, weez fawt dat we wuld do a short series on grief and your fur family members. Weez fawt we wuld do one of those educational postys we purrawmissed you wuld see. Let me stawt by sayin’ dat there awe tons of web sites and books and all kinds of resources out their on gwievin’ inpets, so stead of wepeatin’ and copyin’ them, weez gunna tell yous ‘bout ow own expewience wiff gwief. And because me has not lost a furmily membew thank God, sis Lexi will be writin’ todays posty, and in hooman speak. So sissy take it away.
Lexi: Thank you Dezi. As a lot of you know I have lost 3 brofurs during my lifetime. Since I came into mommys house immediately after being born, this is the only life I’ve ever known. And when I arrived there were already 2 cats in residence. Devon, a 4 year old Himilayan, and Lucky a 28 day old Siamese. Of course there were plenty of fosters, but they came and went so quickly I never got attached. Not like I did with Devon and Lucky. I was a little over a year old when Devon took ill. I had grown up with him acting much like a father to Lucky and I. Suddenly one day out of nowhere He attacked me while I slept. Mommy of course intervened, but I was stunned. An hour later he was acting like normal again. I loved him and wanted to comfort him so I went to lay down next to him and so did Lucky. Things were fine until a few days later, and again out of nowhere he attacked me. Again mommy intervened, only this time she took Devon to the VET. After an exam and some tests mommy was told he most likely had a brain tumor and that treatments would cost a small fortune and would only prolong his life a short time.
(Don’t furget to hovew ovew da fotos to read captions.)
Mommy made the hard decision to say goodbye to Devon and return home alone. Lucky and I were very confused. We didn’t understand why Devon wasn’t with mommy. None of us had ever spent the night away from each other. Lucky and I didn’t eat dinner that night. Instead we both kept going from room to room and meowing for Devon. We also spent time sitting with mommy who had leaky eyes really bad. This kind of behavior went on for a few days. The only thing that changed is that Lucky and I began to eat a little. After about a week mommy sat down with Lucky and me and told us that Devon wasn’t ever coming home. He had gone to heaven where he was no longer sick. Although we didn’t completely understand all of mommys words we did understand she was talking about Devon and that she seemed as sad as we were. But she held us and comforted us and spoke softly and made us feel as though everything was going to be alright. We continued to look for Devon for a few more weeks, and during that time mommy increased our play time and treat time, and kept us occupied while we were awake. And at night she would sing to us as we massaged her to sleep. Eventually we quit looking for Devon and moved on.
Lucky and I became even closer through the years until the day he said good bye. We will save this for the next post as our relationship was much stronger. Please stay tuned for more on grief in pets. We hope to offer you tips and tricks and ways to deal with it and help your fur friends cope and adjust.
Meowllo again. 2 postys in one day aftew bein’ silent fur so long. Well yous all knows meez luvs da shoppin’ wound da world day cuz it’s so innewestin’ to find out da purrices udders awe payin’. Wiff all dat’s been goin’ on, mommy hasn’t been shoppin’ at all this munff and bawely members last munff. Dat’s what happens when yous get old me guesses. So anyways, weez checked da local newspaper ads and came up wiff these purrices.
(Don’t furget to paw on da fotos to read da captions)
Water: 3.66 fur 24) .05 litres (weez not buy water as mommy invested <$43.00> in a 15 year water puwifier dat wequires no filter changes and has tested out purer than most of da bottled water on da mawket)
Bath Soap: $4.79 fur da 8 oz. bottle (weez don’t use baws) dis be da cheapest genewic which wuz da Homeland bwand. Altho’ mommy’s doctor sez hers needs to buy a moistuwizin’ non stwippin’ hair and body cleanser.
Deodorant: $25.00 fur .05 oz (mommy has to use a purrscwiption deodowant, and hers cwinges evewy time hers has to buy it as it’s not covewed by insuwance, and there wuz nun on sale or listed in da ads)
Laundry Soap: $4.50 fur 48 loads (mommy buys da cheapest genewic hers can find when is time to buy this. This be da Sun bwand on sale this week)
Random item: Pure Shea Butter: $25.00 – $30.00 fur 3 pounds (mommy has to buy this as well fur medical purrpusses, and it’s not covewed by insuwance eevew. Altho’ 3 pounds will last 3 munffs and has so many uses fur her and us; dat mommy dusn’t cwinge quite as bad when hers has to buy this.)
Now yous know why mommy dusn’t buy hers selff gwoceries. MOL Hers has to spend a small fortune on ovew da counter medicines, and these 2 items awe just da beginnin’. Anyways this be ow purrices fur Augusts Shoppin’ wound da world postys. Meez so glad Bacon and Fozziemum fawt this up. Maybe mommy can do sum actual shoppin’ nex munff and not hav to wely on da ads. Well meez won’t keep yous wiff long stories or lots of words since this be meez second posty today.
Weez wuld like to know what yous fink of ow new emoticons. Awe they cute, distwactin’, etc. and do yous hate da advertisement dat comes included wiff them? Weez twyin’ to find diffewent yet subtle ways to fun up meez blog, so weez might be twyin’ out sum new fings and wuld weally purreciate yous feedback. Fanks and ifin yous not joined up yet, yous might fink ’bout shoppin’ wound da world wiff us nex munff.
Well here it is Wednesday and weez just now gettin’ anudder blog posty out. Wiff all dat’s been goin’ on lately me guesses me shuld giv mommy a bweak and be glad hers helps me get a posty out a foo times a week huh?. After all, how many peeps and kittys out there can say they’ve had their house flooded 3 times in one munff? Huh? How many? Betcha not many. So here we awe wiff still wet cawpet and stuff and boxes and furniture evewywhere but where it’s posed to be. At least da owner of da movin’ and storin’ company came yesfurday so hims kuld giv da management company a cost to pack and store ow fings while they paint and lay da floors. Dat’s sumfin’ isn’t it? Mommy’s ‘bout to go cwazy and maybe even a little postal. Da management company’s posed to put us up in a motel while they do all this work.
Anyways we told you we had a funny to tell yous. Now we know sum of yous might not find it so funny, but member weez twyin’ to find fings to laff at so weez not cwyin’ constantly. And mind yous nopawdy wuz in any actual danger at any time. Well ‘cept maybe mommy. But hers is purretty clever hers selff and she sez she wusn’t in danger eevew. So here goes. Mommy has a case manager dat comes to “visit” once a munff. And so mommy got to lookin’ at hers bwoke chair and fawt she might be able to rig it so it wuld work fur hers to sit in stead of da floor. (or makin’ da case manager sit on da wet floor) Dat’s meez mommy fur yous, always finkin’ ‘bout what sumpawdy might fink of hers. So mommy played wound a bit and finally got da chair sittin’ up off da floor. Hers sat down and heard da rotted wood cweak, but fawt ifin hers wuz gentle it wuld hold. So case manager got here and meez rolled wound da wet fllor showin’ off and mommy sat evew so gently in hers chair and da case manager sat on mommys piano bench. She’s one of those petite little girlys. Well they filled out all da papers and mommy answered all da questions and case manager left.
Mommy wus enjoyin’ not havin’ to sit on da wet floor so much hers continued to gently sit in da rotted and broken chair. Meez had gone to da back to take a little nap after showin’ off, and woke up fwum a “bad” dweam and found meselff alone. Natuwally meez ran full speed ahead wound da maze dat is our house and leapt right up in mommys lap. Of course mommy heard me comin’ so hers had put hers awms out to catch me. this be sumfin’ me duz a lot so mommy’s gotten weally good at catchin’ me. Well me knows me has told yous all offen dat me be a vewy big girl. And well…….dat 30 extwa pounds at high speed dat wuz me wuz a little too much fur mommys bwoken rotted chair. Cus no sooner than mommy had caugght me and leaned forward to make suwe ifin anyfin’ happened me wuld be okay, da chair went……CRASH!!! And meez not talkin’ ‘bout no little cwash. Dat chair plopped wight stwaight down and da rotted wood bwoke and came wight up fwu da rotted matewial on da awm of da chair. Meez takes off runnin’ down da hall afur weez even hit da floor, and mommy stawted wavin’ hers awms da way she duz, and hollewin’, “Danger, Danger, Dezi, Lexi!! Stay Back!!” Stay back? Yeah like we wuz goin’ anywhere near dat in da first place. It sounded like a sonic boom or sumfin’. (no fotos, as yous might magine mommy wuz mowe concerned wiff our safety and her own)
But meez not fink mommy’s gunna be able to purrop dat fing up again. Oh well, me sez good widdence to bad rubbish. Da chair got so wet it smells anyways. Yous wuld fink she wuld twy to haul it off. Well anyways, mommy wuz flailin’ hers awms evewywhere and yellin’ and Lexi and me wuz boff standin’ in da bedroom door lookin’ down da hall. When mommy wealized we wusn’t comin’ anywhere near da chair, hers face told da whole story. You kuld tell she wanted to cwy, but instead, hers just busted out laffin’. Yep, da rollin’ in da floor giv yous selff a belly ache kinda laffin’. Dat’s meez mommy. She sez ifin yous can’t laff at yous selff then evewypawdy els is gunna be laffin’ at yous. And also dat life be too short to take evewyfin’ so serious.
Mommy’s gotten purretty used to da floor this past week as we can’t get da wheel chair wound da house cuz of all da boxes and misplaced furniture. But dat’s a whole nudder stowwy fur anudder time.
Me did get to go on da cat scout quest, and only missed pawts of a foo fings. But me wuz able to catch up purretty quick when we got back there. Let me tell yous sumfin’. Dat Den Master be sneaky clever and made this quest kinda hawd. But meez so purroud to be a pawt of such a wunnewful gwoup of cats and their hoomans. Altho’ we awe a competitive bunch a cats/hoomans we all member da weason we awe there is to hav fun. Me wuz da flag bearer, assistant scwibe and ssistant cheer leader. Meez gotta tell yous, dat Spitty and Austin came up wiff sum gweat cheers. Since me nor mommy has evew been an official cheer leader, weez did sum basic Go Warriors Go kinds cheers.
OMC meez almost furgot. Stop by da Tabby Cat Club tuday as we awe goin’ on a riverboat twip down da bayou. Andy flew down to escowt Lexi and me to our costume dwess up dinner. As usual hims wuz vewy handsum and sis Lexi looked downwight gawjus.
Disclaimer: Meez wuld like to tell yous dat sum of ow facebook furiends hav put munny on our paypal so mommy can buy a new chair. Weez don’t yet hav enuff, but Lord willin’ we will get there. And we wuldn’t wanna bwing in a new chair on da wet floor to get ruined anyhow. We told this stowwy cuz we fawt it wuz funny not cuz we wuz meanin’ to make anypawdy feel sowwy fur us or feel like they shuld get us anyfin’.