Meowllo and welcome to another Blest Sunday. Today is a day fur ‘memberin’ and so mommy wanted to say a few things ‘bout sis Lexi. She’s never written ‘bout this, so purrlease bear with her. Ifin you missed sis Lexi’s goodbye posty you can read it here. Mommy will cover some things dat those of you who have followed us a while already know, but we do have new followers dat don’t know sissy.
Thank you baby. As most of you know I’m just mommy Audra. I give the girls their voice to come to all of you. They are so full of personality and love that writing through them is much easier, especially when it comes to the heartbreaking moments in our lives. When Lexi left us to go to heaven it was only natural to let her say goodbye. I felt like if I added anything to that it would signify closure. And I wasn’t ready to close the book on that part of my life, and I’m still not. So this post isn’t closure, it’s merely a small look into my feelings on the matter. Lexi had been the biggest and best part of my life for the almost 17 years she was with me. And now suddenly it was over and people wanted me to get over it and move on.
From the time Lexi came into my life, when she was 10 minutes old, till the moment she went to be with God, we had never been apart. We’d never spent a night away from each other, and never more than a couple of hours throughout a day. She’d traveled from Oklahoma to Mississippi with me when my aunt died, and we’d moved every year for the first 4 years of her life. The really funny thing is, Lexi was never supposed to be my forever cat.
She was merely another of a 100 fosters that was to go through my home that kitten season. She was tiny. Smaller than most. I and the vet figured it had something to do with her birth, but it didn’t seem to affect her, so we didn’t worry about it. And it all changed when she grew up. She was a huge cat weighing in at around 30 pounds during her healthy adult life. Anyways, when she was finally 6 weeks old, the rescue wanted her at the adoption events, so off we would go. Those days weren’t good for her. She would come home and fight with my resident cats, who learned to give her a wide berth on those days. And then the day came when an application came in for her. My heart sank. But I put a “happy” in my voice and told her she might have a forever home. That just seemed to make her angry and she lashed out and drew blood from my oldest resident cat. As soon as she did it, she ran and jumped in my lap and purred louder and longer than I’d ever heard. I bawled. Of course I took care of Devon, but I cried so hard I was convulsing.
Why had I been so disappointed about the application? Lexi obviously wasn’t happy, so why was I thinking about keeping her? Well I called the rescue president and told her what had happened and her response without giving it a second thought was, “We can’t adopt her out. Take her to the vet and kill her.” All I heard was Kill Her! They had wanted to do that the day she came in because she was too black, and now they were going to get their chance. Well, that did it for me, I told them no and that she would stay with me. I picked her up and explained to her that she was going to be with me forever and that I was going to love her forever, and changed her name (it used to be Lana) and gave her a big kiss. She understood everything and immediately started to purr. The boys sensed the change as well and they all became the best of friends. They laid together, played together and groomed each other. Life was good.
We lost Devon and then Lucky, and Lexi and I carried on. Lexi and I would lose another before Dezi joined us. I just never thought it would be Lexi. She was going to live forever, you know? When she got sick, we fought. I researched and learned all I could. I did the very best for her and she knew it and fought right alongside of me, till she just didn’t. I know it’s stupid and selfish, but all I could think is why would she want to leave me? I needed her. I loved her. How could this be happening? I screamed at God to “fix her”, make her all better, and that He couldn’t have her. She had gladly taken anything I gave her, allowed me to do whatever I needed to her, and suddenly, she was refusing. She was struggling as much as her frail body could struggle. I would watch her try to move from one spot to another and fall over because she was so weak. Those last days I spent in tears. I cried so much I thought eventually there’d be no tears left. But alas, tears are replenishing and I still cry. I still scream at God.
I try to believe that God needed her more than me, but nobody ever needed anyone as much as I needed Lexi. We had developed an almost symbiotic relationship. We moved together, and knew each others thoughts, sometimes before we had them. When she left, it was like half of me went with her…the better half. The half that knew what to do and when to do it. I basically shut down and just went through the motions. I’m getting better now, but I will always want my Lexi back. I will always love her and miss her and remember her. It will always be “yesterday” for me. She taught me so much about pure love and devotion. Through her I learned that there are still good people in the world. Because of her I have some very good friends that adore my girls. Because of Lexi we were featured on an internet radio program to talk about Service Cats. Because of Lexi, there’s all of you.
Service Cats U.S. 