Meowllo and welcome to another Blest Sunday. Today is a day fur ‘memberin’ and so mommy wanted to say a few things ‘bout sis Lexi. She’s never written ‘bout this, so purrlease bear with her. Ifin you missed sis Lexi’s goodbye posty you can read it here. Mommy will cover some things dat those of you who have followed us a while already know, but we do have new followers dat don’t know sissy.
Thank you baby. As most of you know I’m just mommy Audra. I give the girls their voice to come to all of you. They are so full of personality and love that writing through them is much easier, especially when it comes to the heartbreaking moments in our lives. When Lexi left us to go to heaven it was only natural to let her say goodbye. I felt like if I added anything to that it would signify closure. And I wasn’t ready to close the book on that part of my life, and I’m still not. So this post isn’t closure, it’s merely a small look into my feelings on the matter. Lexi had been the biggest and best part of my life for the almost 17 years she was with me. And now suddenly it was over and people wanted me to get over it and move on.
From the time Lexi came into my life, when she was 10 minutes old, till the moment she went to be with God, we had never been apart. We’d never spent a night away from each other, and never more than a couple of hours throughout a day. She’d traveled from Oklahoma to Mississippi with me when my aunt died, and we’d moved every year for the first 4 years of her life. The really funny thing is, Lexi was never supposed to be my forever cat.
She was merely another of a 100 fosters that was to go through my home that kitten season. She was tiny. Smaller than most. I and the vet figured it had something to do with her birth, but it didn’t seem to affect her, so we didn’t worry about it. And it all changed when she grew up. She was a huge cat weighing in at around 30 pounds during her healthy adult life. Anyways, when she was finally 6 weeks old, the rescue wanted her at the adoption events, so off we would go. Those days weren’t good for her. She would come home and fight with my resident cats, who learned to give her a wide berth on those days. And then the day came when an application came in for her. My heart sank. But I put a “happy” in my voice and told her she might have a forever home. That just seemed to make her angry and she lashed out and drew blood from my oldest resident cat. As soon as she did it, she ran and jumped in my lap and purred louder and longer than I’d ever heard. I bawled. Of course I took care of Devon, but I cried so hard I was convulsing.
Why had I been so disappointed about the application? Lexi obviously wasn’t happy, so why was I thinking about keeping her? Well I called the rescue president and told her what had happened and her response without giving it a second thought was, “We can’t adopt her out. Take her to the vet and kill her.” All I heard was Kill Her! They had wanted to do that the day she came in because she was too black, and now they were going to get their chance. Well, that did it for me, I told them no and that she would stay with me. I picked her up and explained to her that she was going to be with me forever and that I was going to love her forever, and changed her name (it used to be Lana) and gave her a big kiss. She understood everything and immediately started to purr. The boys sensed the change as well and they all became the best of friends. They laid together, played together and groomed each other. Life was good.
We lost Devon and then Lucky, and Lexi and I carried on. Lexi and I would lose another before Dezi joined us. I just never thought it would be Lexi. She was going to live forever, you know? When she got sick, we fought. I researched and learned all I could. I did the very best for her and she knew it and fought right alongside of me, till she just didn’t. I know it’s stupid and selfish, but all I could think is why would she want to leave me? I needed her. I loved her. How could this be happening? I screamed at God to “fix her”, make her all better, and that He couldn’t have her. She had gladly taken anything I gave her, allowed me to do whatever I needed to her, and suddenly, she was refusing. She was struggling as much as her frail body could struggle. I would watch her try to move from one spot to another and fall over because she was so weak. Those last days I spent in tears. I cried so much I thought eventually there’d be no tears left. But alas, tears are replenishing and I still cry. I still scream at God.
I try to believe that God needed her more than me, but nobody ever needed anyone as much as I needed Lexi. We had developed an almost symbiotic relationship. We moved together, and knew each others thoughts, sometimes before we had them. When she left, it was like half of me went with her…the better half. The half that knew what to do and when to do it. I basically shut down and just went through the motions. I’m getting better now, but I will always want my Lexi back. I will always love her and miss her and remember her. It will always be “yesterday” for me. She taught me so much about pure love and devotion. Through her I learned that there are still good people in the world. Because of her I have some very good friends that adore my girls. Because of Lexi we were featured on an internet radio program to talk about Service Cats. Because of Lexi, there’s all of you.
Service Cats U.S. 
Audra, what a poignant retelling of you and Lexi’s love story. Thanks for sharing it with us. We send you our love.
Barb (and Nellie)
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Thank you so much Barb and Nellie. I’m sure you share a similar love with each other.
Love ya’
Dezi, Raena and mommy A
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Audra and Dezi, this is such a touching tribute to your sweet, beloved Lexi. No amount of time on earth ever seems long enough to have with our furbabies, but Lexi’s 17 years with you were perfection indeed. You gave her all the love any kitty could ever hope for, and she knew and felt that, and returned it right back to you.
As I read these beautiful words about your Lexi, Audra, it sparked for me so many memories of the time I shared with my own angel Rosie, including our goodbye. Although I am admittedly not prone to crying, even thinking about that day still brings tears for me. But then I realize that my Rosie would not want that, not at all. She wouldn’t want me to think of our 21 years together and then cry. So, I always try to turn my mind to all of the many, many fond memories we formed together. You obviously have many, many fond memories with your Lexi as well, and I truly hope those will bring you endless moments of joy when remembering your perfect Lexi.
As you said, you will see Lexi again. When God needs you as much as he needed Lexi, you’ll be together again. Just not yet. Until then, you can remember her through all of the memories and pictures you have of her. And she will always be watching over you, until you meet again.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful post with us, Audra and Dezi. Lexi is surely proud and purring over you now.
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Thank you. Lexi was so wonderful and yes, I have tons of wonderful memories of her. There are photos all over the house of her and her antics that make me smile when I look at them. She will always be a part of me just as your Rosie is for you.
Love ya’
Dezi, Raena and mommy A
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What a beautiful tribute to Lexi…..we’re all leaky eyed. Even though we knew you kept her, our hearts sank when we read there was an application for her. She was YOUR baby and we’re glad that she got to spend her life with you.
The Florida Furkids and Mom Sharon
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Oh me too. I couldn’t imagine what my life would have been like without her.
Love ya’
Dezi, Raena and mommy A
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This was such a beautiful tribute to Lexi. Our Mummy’s eyes started leaking when She read it and We, too, have the Sads. Mummy is remembering the three kitties that went before Us, who are now at the Rainbow Bridge, under the care of the Great Cat in the Sky – Minxie, who succumbed to cancer just before her 15th birthday, and Pixie, who was 16 and a half when kidney disease took her (both of them tabbies, like sweet Lexi) and Possum, who outlived his beloved sisfur Pixie by less than a year before joining her at the Bridge, at the age of 17 and a quarter. Mummy Shimona loved them all so furry much and She neffur furgets them and She knows just how you feel and her eyes are leaking for you both, as well as for herself. Mummy still commemorates the birthdays of her furbabies who have left for the Bridge. They are Family and the sense of loss doesn’t go away, effur.
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No it doesn’t, and anyone who thinks it does or should has never known the love of a cat. Thank you and big hugs to your mommy. too.
Love ya’
Dezi, Raena and mommy A
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Oh, Miss Audra. Sending you huge hugs and the furs here send purrs and some sloppy kisses, too.
Its so hard when you do not want to say goodby till we meet again, isn’t it.
Your post is s poignant, the petcretary is typing through blurred and wet vision.
Of the four angels in this furmily the petcretary misses and thinks about Toki the most. Seven years was just way, way too short. Why couldn’t he have been with us the same as Groucho, who was 17 or 18?? Well, that was a long time ago and still the petcretary still thinks a lot about this kitty, not that she forgets the other three, they were so precious too, as well as all the memories. (We lost Groucho at 17 or 18, Simba at seven from a sudden heart worm attack which blocked his artery; Toki at seven from Diabetes; and Suki at 11 from seizures and some other brain issues. Too sad, all of them…we are now 11 1/2 and she worries that we may not be with her much longer since there seems to be some curse here…at least it sure feels that way.)
Love to all the three of you, MIss Audra, Dezi and Raena.
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Thank you. Until Dezi, I thought we had a curse. I lost a kitty every 5 years. When Dezi turned 6 I thought the curse was broken, and then I lost Lexi. I don’t know. I don;t actually believe in curses, but it certainly makes one wonder. Sending big hugs to your mommy as well. Thank you.
Love ya’
Dezi, Raena and mommy A
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A very touching tribute to Lexi. Every kitty is special and if we take the time to understand where they are coming from, we will learn a lot from them as you did my friend.
A book about Lexi from the beginning through her service would be wonderful.
Jean, Shoko and Kali
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You are so right. Each kitty has taught me so much and been the world to me. Lexi was just the one who was with me the longest. As for the book, I’m working on it. We started it together when we first got the computer. I never thought I’d be finishing it alone. Thanks again.
Love ya’
Dezi, Raena and mommy A
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Glad you were able to have Lexi with you for so many years. It’s never long enough, but life is good when they’re here.
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What a beautiful post. Lexi was a fortunate kitty to be so loved by so many. She was special and beautiful. Thank you for sharing this with us.
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Lexi knew everything that you were saying to her and knew she had her forever home. Thanks you for sharing this with us.
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Rom was my ‘best cat ever’ for 16 1/2 years. Years after he moved on, I wrote The Red Claw in memory of him – and Rom is on the cover. (Covers, since the one book is growing into a short series.)
I love working on those books because it feels like there is a bit of him still with me.
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Yeah, I’m working on Lexi’s book. I had no idea when I started she wouldn’t be here when I finished. It’s been hard to get motivated to write recently, but I really need to just put my emotions aside for a while and write. Lexi was so special and unique, others deserve to get to know her. Glad you have a muse and a series from one book. Sending hugs your way.
Love ya’
Dezi, Raena and mommy A
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It took me years between the time of Rom’s death and the day I sat down to begin writing a book in tribute to him… and the book is pure fiction, I couldn’t write about him or his real life. Purrseidon and Mr are gradually taking over the muse roll that Rom once held. I often wonder what impact Rom actually had because there seems to be a subtile difference between the books I wrote when Rom and I shared a desk (Deadly Rumors, Fatal Impressions, Passion’s Fire and Peacekeepers) to the ones where M was around.
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I’m terrible at fiction. Partly because my brain that controls the creative side (“lying”) got damaged in the accident. But I’m not sure I would want to go that way with Lexi anyways. But I’m glad you found an avenue to speak. As to your wonderings, that is an interesting question.
Love ya’
Dezi, Raena and mommy A
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I spent the majority of my career doing tech writing, which is sharing factual information in a way that others can utilize. Fiction is more emotional, which is probably why I find it fun.
Jeanne, >^.^< & =^.^=
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