A Piece Of My Heart Is Missing

Goodnight my sweet Deztinee; we will meet again. Yes, my darling blue eyed angel has left us. It’s been devastating for me, and I’m still trying to wrap my brain around it all. In time, perhaps my heart will catch up. Dezi was an amazing little girl and I miss her terribly. Despite the problems, it was difficult to say goodbye. I would like to pay tribute to her before explaining the spiral to the end.


Dezi forever photoI love you Dezi and will miss you.



As most of you know, Dezi, one of a litter of eleven, chose me. You can read her story here. A backyard breeder had been shut down and the dog only rescue reached out to me for help. The kittens were only 3 weeks old and almost dead due to ignorance on the part of the “breeder”. Dezi bonded with me immediately, and started alerting to my syncope incidents before she was even big enough to reach my ankles. She would do this little dance and paw at my feet trying to get me to sit down before I ended up on the floor. She had this adorable little squeaky mew, we called a meweek.


Baby Dezi lays in a basket atop a soft bath towelBaby Dezi



Once she recovered, she was a bundle of non-stop energy. She loved to play and cuddle. And, she loved Lexi. They worked well together and made an extraordinary team. She loved going out with me and meeting people and seeing the world. She was quite the ham in her younger years. She was always up for a photo shoot and trying out new toys. And, at the end of the day, she was always ready to curl up beside me and purr me to sleep. Now, she sleeps forever and her spot on the bed is empty. She’ll always hold a spot in my heart.


Baby Dezi puffed up for intimidation



As you know, we’ve joked about the piddle pads and occasionally her snippy moods. What you don’t know is the rest of the story. Almost immediately, after we returned home from the apartment remodel, Dezi quit using the litterbox. Since she had had urinary tract problems years ago, I immediately took her to the vet for a checkup. The girls had both had checkups the week before we came home, but I didn’t want to take any chances. The vet found nothing in the tests and said it was probably just stress and thus behavioral.


Dezi selfie



A few months later, Dezi started to have episodes where she didn’t seem to know who I or Raena was and she would attack us out of the blue. Just as quickly as these episodes came, they went and she returned to her normal loving self. Years ago, I lost a cat to a brain tumor who exhibited some of the same symptoms. So, back to the vet we went. More tests and still nothing. The vet did concur that based on her behavior it was probably something neurological. He also stated there could’ve been something genetically wrong. Backyard breeders aren’t very responsible and we just don’t know everything. She did have a heart murmur, but other than that, there were no firm answers. Unfortunately, we don’t have specialists in our area and without reliable transportation we can’t get to a city that does. Vets around here are still more dog centric and base a lot of their diagnosis’s on canine medicine and guesses.


Dezi gets loving while laying in mommy's lap



I researched everything I could and tried every treatment I could get my hands on that I thought might help. I prayed and gave her all the love she could ever want or need. By this time, our apartment was covered in piddle pads and I never knew when the next attack might happen. They were getting more severe and I worried about how this was affecting Raena. But, until a proper diagnosis could be made, we were basically just muddling through the best we could. And then our car broke down and COVID happened. Things hadn’t really gotten better, but they hadn’t really gotten worse either. Until that is, about June. Just one day, Dezi quit “working”. She quit alerting, giving me massages and she started to withdraw from Raena and me. The episodes and attacks seemed to get more frequent and more severe. And by September, Raena was starting to fight back and “attack back”. By October, Dezi wasn’t eating very much. I had continued to speak with the vet regularly regarding her symptoms and behavior, but he had little help to offer, especially over the phone and via emails. The sad truth is, that I’m not sure he would’ve had any more answers if we could have gotten there in person.


Dezi lays atop the cat tree selfie



We were finally able to get to the vet in late November, but again, all the tests came back “normal”. He said she had some elevated levels in a few areas, but he wasn’t sure what that might mean if anything. He did say her heart murmur seemed worse than it had been the last time we were there, but said it could also be caused by heat exhaustion and stress. The heat took it’s toll on her and she was really sick for days after we got home. She never really bounced back and it became painfully clear that she was not herself and her quality of life was such that it was time to say goodbye. Goodbye is never easy to say, especially when there are no real answers as to why. Unfortunately, those of us who love our furry family members usually have to make that decision at some point in time. I will never know what happened or why it had to happen. All I know for sure is that I gave everything I could to Dezi and loved her every minute of every day. She saved me as much as I saved her, and for that, I will always be grateful. She will be missed, but I know she is finally healthy and happy again with God. I want to thank all of you for loving my Dezi. I know she loved all of you, it’s just who she was.


Dezi selfie


I did use some of our car fund money, but several donations had been given with permission to use the money for whatever we needed. While we still need a reliable car, Dezi’s care and needs came first. Raena and I will be looking for a new helper, but right now, we’re just trying to adjust to life without our Dezi.



We’re still taking entries to the Blessing Train. The girls’ and I love it so much. And right now, I, we need to be reminded there are Blessings in our lives. Each time I would add a boxcar to the list, I read off the names of the friends from that boxcar. Dezi always “meweeked” her joy. Thank you for your love, prayers and support.




Love to all our Friends,


Mommy A and RaenaBelle


76 thoughts on “A Piece Of My Heart Is Missing

  1. I am so sorry. I knew that Dezi was sick. I had been hoping that getting to a vet was the answer. I’m sorry to see that it wouldn’t have helped. I know you must be feeling emptiness without her. Take care.


  2. Charlee: “We’re very sorry to hear that Dezi had to go away.”
    Caplin: “Run free over the Rainbow Bridge, pretty girl, and have fun chasing all the butterflies and grasshoppers in those green fields.”
    Charlee: “We send lots of purrs at this difficult time.”
    Lulu: “And I send fluffy tail wags!”


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